I am feeling a lot more emotional and hormonal than throughout my pregnancy combined. On Sunday, I had a wedding to go to and Luthfiya was being a very challenging kid. By the time I got ready, she had taken out her toys and of course there was a mess. I was on the verge of screaming at her. At this point, I realised that she might not know the extent of her actions (yes it was a mess, but she didn’t know I would blow up because of that mess).
I immediately felt guilty and (of course) started to cry. At this point, I didn’t know what was worse; me almost screaming at Luthfiya or if my Mak in law sees me crying and asks me what’s wrong. And the timing was so off as we had to leave for the wedding that very moment. I just went to my room, cried as much as I could, powdered my face and then we left for the wedding. Even then, I wanted to tear up in the car.
Truth be told, at that moment, I just felt so ugly. I am literally down to the last few clothes that I can fit in and I’m wearing the usual same thing over and over again. It doesn’t help that I am the biggest I have been in my life and will continue to literally grow in the next three months. HOW MUCH BIGGER CAN i GET?!
I get it people say enjoy pregnancy while it last but for some reason, this time round, it’s just harder. I am more tired (SO grateful to mak in law for taking care of Luthfiya).
Then this just happened.
Usually Luthfiya has her afternoon nap from about 11 till she wakes up one to two hours later. BUT today, I think she was just testing my patience.
She just refused to sleep. She even tried to trick me. Yes you may laugh, but I was so angry, to the extent that I already planned, if she wanted to sleep later on, I would NOT allow her to. Simply for the fact that I already gave her time to sleep and she didn’t want to, so she lose that privilege. It does sound evil but at that point of time, I was so angry. I even told her that she would not leave the room till she’s asleep. It came to the point where I just got out of the room and loudly told my Mak in law we don’t “friend” Luthfiya.
Poor girl. Nasib baik, mak in law is not temperamental like me. She just laugh it off and now just put Luthfiya to sleep. How she does it is a miracle. Or maybe I just don’t have enough patience to deal with this.
Also, my items from POPLOOK came. I ordered the biggest size (4XL) and I am now having mixed feelings about it. It’s big and “shapeless” (to me at least). Which sets me off again. How much bigger can I get. Yes I ordered 4XL to accomodate my belly and what not but I am tempted to return it cuz macam khemah. I read up online that somehow my body can and probably get BIGGER by the time I gave birth. Now I am thinking, do I return the baju or not?! I specifically bought a top for a friend’s wedding that is coming up in two and a half weeks time and I hope by then, it does not look like a khemah anymore.
Probably for now, I should just take a breather and not think so extreme of things and not be so emotional/ hormonal. And stop being so angry at Luthifya over the littlest things that would not matter in five years time.